Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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