You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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