What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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