I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
