I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
