my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
