Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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