Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
