I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
