I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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