Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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