i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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