you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
