Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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