i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
