Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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