i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
