I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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