My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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