god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is it fun? or sober?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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