i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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