Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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