4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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