can u get pink eye on your cock?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone came in the potted fern
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
