She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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