gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
