I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
