So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
