Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
