the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
