i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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