Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
