1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
