I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
