Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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