I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
