Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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