If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
