There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
