All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
