I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
