i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
