he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
