I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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