I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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