just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
