Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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