omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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