He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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