I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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