Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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