so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
