You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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