I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
