there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
