she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize