In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
