He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
