Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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