I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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