nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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