you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
