He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
