Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
