Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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