I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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