Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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