You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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